Friday, October 15, 2010

how could you be so pointless?

I have no humorous (British spelling) anecdotes to share today, but I will tell a few of the fun things that happened on this glorious Friday. Since I've decided to blog every day, I am always on the lookout for hilarity. Some days it just doesn't happen. Today was one of those days.

Yesterday I was asked to bring hamburgers for a joint birthday lunch at school. Now I don't fix food very often, but I jumped at this opportunity. My dad makes great burgers (he calls his "World Famous") and I have learned this recipe from him. I have since added a few things that I think take them above and beyond the realm of awesome. Of course, I'm keeping this recipe a secret. Sorry.

So anyway, last night I got my ingredients and started mixing. Then I stopped and thought about what I was doing. I was pushing and pulling and grinding and kneading the insides of a dead cow. Sick! Another ingredient I was adding is also considered a dead animal (it's a secret, figure it out). The entire ordeal made me a little queasy. Still, a well-made burger tastes so good that after they are ready, I don't think about the poor dead livestock. I just think about the heavenly taste.

Well today I was in class and Dr. Betty Hearn mentioned that she had a terrible morning. Anna Russell and I offered her a burger. Anna then kindly called us "suck-up"s and I realized that it was true. She said she may take us up on the offer. She never did. There go our bonus points!

Finally the time came to enjoy the burgers. The birthday dudes came waltzing in (not really, that would be weird) and we gave them a sitting ovation. As we dressed our burgers and ate chips, dip, and cookies, I experienced something new. Dale's steak seasoning on a burger is really good! The only other condiment at the table was mayo, and I detest the stuff. Why you ask? Ok, I'll tell you.

When I was a lowly stocker/bag boy at Carlisle's Big Star in the early 2000s, I witnessed a woman slam her cart into a display of glass jars of Hellman's. She seemed to get a sick joy out of seeing me sadly walk to the back and get a mop & bucket. Mean lady.

After scooping and mopping for what seemed like hours, I finally had all the white grossness cleaned off the floor. Yet I smelled like a human batch of potato salad. Ever since, the sight/smell/thought of mayonnaise has made me dry heave.

Corey Hall then told a story about a prank some guys pulled on his brother. They took an ice cream cone, filled it with mayo, then put a dab of ice cream on top to disguise the nastiness. After goading him into devouring the cone like Randy from "A Christmas Story" did with mashed potatoes, he got mad and probably questioned his faith in humankind. This effectively ruined my appetite.

Anyway, lunch was great. Ben Spencer and Zach Pickle (ironically he was the only pickle at the table, due to our forgetfulness) seemed to enjoy their feast. And another Friday had a happy...middle. Not ending.

How's that for a pointless post? Enjoy your weekend!


anna said...

i said, "we are suck-ups"'re so dramatic.

and his name is ben spencer, i hope you know:)

Adam Robinson said...

I fixed it :)